Monday, July 28, 2014

Weekend Snapshots - Nor Cal Edition



Thursday we drove up the coast to the Monterrey Aquarium; it was gorgeous. The aquarium was pretty packed for a Thursday afternoon, but I suppose most everyone is on vacation right now so I should have expected that. Logan did so well on the drive up but had a minor meltdown right when we got to the aquarium; it was lunch time, she'd been in the car for hours with no nap... it was not surprising. She mostly lounged in her stroller with Winston (her stuffed pig) in hand and a pacifier in her mouth, but every so often she'd say "Fish! Oh! Turtle! Look!", so I know she enjoyed it (as tired as she was).

After a few hours at the aquarium, we ate some lunch at Bubba Gump's water front restaurant and hit the road for another hour and a half to visit my dad and step mom in the San Jose area. It was a really great weekend full of family, surprise visits, vintage goodies, the garlic festival, and one really good Boston Cream Pie worth mentioning.

I had my camera with me, but didn't bring it to the festival because I was afraid it'd melt in the 105* weather (yep.. not a typo. It was really that hot.); I also was just trying to enjoy being on vacation so taking pictures was not at the forefront of my mind.

Having a four day break with my family was just what we needed to feel like we "escaped" reality for a bit, but there's nothing like coming home and sleeping in your own bed.

xo
-Ali

30/52


A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2014.

She's been talking a lot lately. She says, "Thank you. You're welcome" whenever she hands you something; she also calls herself a "good helper". Something that I'll remember forever is this morning she asked for a kiss and said "I lub you, honey". Heart officially melted!
xo
-Ali

Monday, July 21, 2014

New Space, New Nursery Tour

Happy Monday everyone! I usually wouldn't say that, but this week is a happy Monday because we leave for our mini vacation on Thursday morning. I thought I'd leave you with a look at Logan's new space while we're off road tripping.


I really love the way it turned out! I feel like it's "complete" and that's a pretty big deal considering we moved in less than a month ago. Everything in her former nursery fit perfectly in to this new space; I was even able to make her her own reading nook with her vintage rocker that's been in the Mellin family for a couple of decades. A few updates I made for her new room were the vinyl rain drop stickers (I cut them out of chalkboard vinyl) and the reading nook decor (I made the bunting flag while I was pregnant and it hung on her old wall shelf. The embroidery hoop art is an Anthropolgie dish towel I had laying around. The Raggedy Ann and Andy art is from a vintage Golden Book. The peg hook is a new purchase from Etsy. And the rug is new sale find from Target)

We've already made a lot of wonderful memories in this room.. most of them being Logan dancing like a maniac in front of her new mirrored closet doors. I honestly thought I wouldn't be a fan of them, but the amount of entertainment we get from them is pretty incredible. I suppose Logan is a narcissist, but she's awfully cute and what one year old isn't!?

xo
-Ali

**You can see all of my posts about Logan's nursery past and present here**

Friday, July 18, 2014

Bye Bye July (Almost)

It's pretty crazy that it's nearing the end of July already. July was full of emotions and major changes... though I am happy to have gone through it all and to be where I am, I am glad to soon say goodbye to July.
We have a short week coming up because we'll be taking a road trip up to Nor Cal to visit my dad... we're super excited to take a mini vacation. I'll share some posts of our trip with you shortly after we get back! I am a little nervous about the five hour drive with Logan, but I think she'll do well; she's a trooper in most all situations. Rory had a portable DVD player, but it seems to be broken so there goes that idea! How did people road trip with toddlers before TVs in headrests and portable DVD players and WiFi and iPads? I'd really like to know because we'll have none of those things! Keep your fingers crossed for us and send out no melt down vibes.

xo
-Ali

29/52

A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2014.

 We had a bit of a rocky week , but I'm happy to say that we're doing better now and are settling back in to normal life. I love how sweet and thoughtful Logan is already.. she loves to give kisses, likes to hug, shares her water with her stuffed pig, and makes sure her horse is well fed by feeding him carrots several times a day.

xo
-Ali

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Calming with Affection


Before motherhood, before marriage even, I had this fear that I wouldn't be in love or affectionate with my children. I am not an affectionate person myself to begin with... in relationships, in friendships, and with family; I feel very uncomfortable when people that aren't my husband tell me they love me. I can't really say where that comes from and why I am guarded with people or if it's even guarded at all, it's just the way I have always been. I was best friends with someone for most of my childhood and in to adulthood, every time she said she loved me, I didn't say it back. Sometimes my parents will text "I love you" and I just don't answer back.. as horrible as that sounds, it's a weird thing for me to say I love you to anyone outside of my husband and daughter.

During my pregnancy, I felt anxious about what I would feel for Logan and how I'd interact with her; it's hard to envision what your life will be like and how you will change until you actually have a child of your own. When she was born and put upon my chest, I cried.. not because she smacked her gooey bloody little hand right in to my glasses and face, but because I loved her so much. They took her to the little koala care center that was next to my bed, and I just stared at her and cried; I had never felt so close to anyone in all of my life.

My love for my daughter is unconditional and she makes me whole even when she's screaming at me, but I still feel an awkwardness about myself. I see how other moms are with their children, I see how Rory is with her, and I wonder if I am loving enough. I hug her and kiss her and tell her I love her all of the time, but am I giving her all of the love and affection she deserves? Does she think I am reserved and does she need more?

The last several weeks have been very trying, not only with the move, but Logan is getting her second set of molars; she hasn't been the sweetest peach to me lately. It may be a combination of the move and the teeth and that fact that she's a toddler, but she's been having some epic meltdowns lately. Today I had to laugh to keep myself from crying as she screamed bloody murder for fifteen minutes.. it wasn't the greatest of moments. This week has been the toughest and I even noticed her gums were bleeding while I was brushing her teeth last night so I know she's in pain. It's a hard thing to remind yourself constantly that they're in pain and they don't have the words while you're trying to not have a breakdown yourself from the noise and exhaustion. Honestly on Monday afternoon, I had had it.. I was at my breaking point. Logan hadn't slept, she was throwing tantrums left and right, she was telling me to "stop it" all day.. I was really over it and I didn't handle her behavior very well in that last hour stretch before Dada got home. I just kept walking away from her but would say "I'm really done Logan" "You stop it" "Good God, I can't wait for you dad to get home so I can just take a break from you". I felt really guilty as I was saying these things to her.. she's one! Hello Ali, get over yourself. I was able to take a few moments to myself when Rory got home and I missed her terribly (more so than usual) that night while she was asleep. The next morning I met the day with a new goal; to meet her frustration and upsetedness with affection and love. She didn't nap again that day, she was very cranky and in pain I'm sure, but we had a great day. Every time she  would start to explode about something, I'd hug her and tell her how much I loved her and that I was sorry she was in pain... it felt really good to just love her and give her every bit of emotion I had in me to comfort her. There was no feeling of awkwardness or shame in being completely affectionate with my daughter and I want to remind myself to be this open with her every day.
This little girl deserves nothing but whole hearted love and affection; it may be hard for me to just let go of my issues and be affectionate, but she doesn't understand that.. all she understands is that affection is what she needs and I am going to do my best every day to give it to her unconditionally.


xo
-Ali

Friday, July 11, 2014

28/52


A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2014.

She is really in to giving high fives, telling me to "stop it", and Peter Pan lately. 


xo
-Ali