Wednesday, July 17, 2013

My Weight Loss Journey

This is a hard one for me to write. I have been going back and forth for a while about whether or not I wanted to share this with you. I ultimately have decided that it is important to share. I am a real person with real struggles and I like the thought that maybe one person reading this can relate or be inspired.

I have a very volatile relationship with food. For me, there has never been a happy medium. I have either been starving myself and way too thin, or binging everything in sight and overweight. Before I met Rory in August of 2008, I wasn't eating. I was drinking.. a lot, but never eating. A few months after we started dating, I stopped the heavy drinking and we started eating out. And eating out some more... and eating out some more. The first year I was with Rory, I gained forty pounds. Yes, love means being a little on the chunkier side. Love is squishy. It took me until the forty pounds were already packed on in December of 2009 to see that they were actually there. I remember feeling a little heavier and some clothes didn't fit quite right anymore so I decided to weigh myself... shock of a lifetime! Where the hell did that come from? Oh yeah.. all the late night pizza and McDonald's with my cute boyfriend might have done that. Ugh. So, I decided to join Weight Watchers. I really liked it and was super motivated. I lost thirty pounds in three months ::pat on the back:: but dun dun dunnnnnn.. I quit my job because it was too far of a drive for very little pay. I wasn't working for two months, was still doing well on the Weight Watchers' plan, and was starting a new job. This job was an absolute nightmare. I felt unsafe, I felt the preschoolers were unsafe.. so I got emotional and started eating again. I stopped tracking my points. I stopped caring. I gained a little weight back, but nothing too drastic.

Rory and I got engaged in December of 2010 so again I found new motivation to lose weight. I did well, just doing my own thing. I was proud to zip up my wedding dress in August of 2011, I felt good in my photos.. I knew I wasn't the skinniest bride, but I felt beautiful at the time.

In March of 2012 I found out I was pregnant. At this time, I had maintained my weight loss from when I gained some back after our wedding. I was fitting in skinny jeans and feeling like I was doing well with my "workout to have a nicer body before you get pregnant" plan. Yeah, well, I got pregnant super quick and got lazy. Pregnancy was pretty tough on me. I had sciatica and a lot of pelvic soreness. I tried to walk throughout my pregnancy and do some swimming, but I felt immobile most of the time. I gained thirty eight pounds while I was pregnant. You're supposed to gain between twenty five and thirty five depending on your body type.. I was one of those women who should have gained closer to twenty five. My husband is a great cookie baker.. how can I resist?

After Logan was born, I was the heaviest I had been in a long time. I was significantly overweight in high school.. I honestly don't even know how much I weighed then.. I'm afraid to even share the pictures below. I knew I needed to get my bum into gear after delivering, but my recovery was hard. I was laying on the couch for six weeks before I could move around comfortably. That was a really hard time. Once I could get up and around, I started walking with her and ended up losing thirty six pounds as of June 1st of this year.

June 1st is when I decided to start eating Paleo, and it's been trying. I could have eaten french fries and chicken nuggets every day for the rest of my life if that was a healthy option for me. Since beginning Paleo, I have lost another twelve pounds.. it could have been more, but I'll be real and say I have some "cheat" days on the weekends. It's hard not to when my husband doesn't eat Paleo, my mom doesn't, pretty much no one I see on a regular basis does. And what do you do when you see friends or family? Eat, of course. I am still struggling with making good choices when we go out, but I am learning and I am dedicated. I just started swimming a lot and doing some Wii Fit while Logan is napping. It's been too darn hot to take strenuous walks, but I guess I should just suck it up and do it. Sweating never killed anyone, right? But then again, I am the girl that gets heat stroke and sun poisoning pretty much every summer... so perhaps the Wii Fit is a better Fit. Haha get it?

I still have a ways to go. I'd like to lose another forty five points within the next six months, and I think I can do it! I just need to be more strict with myself and set in my new Paleo ways. But hey, losing forty eight pounds so far in seven and a half months isn't too shabby.

And now for the photos:

Unrecognizable at my High School Graduation and Senior Prom. 2003
My wedding. 2011 (photo on left by Ressull Salvi photography // photo on right by Dallas Sterling)
36 weeks pregnant with Logan and when she was about four weeks old. 2012
July 16th 2013. I obviously don't like the self timer function of a camera.
So there it is. I cannot even believe myself in high school. I don't remember feeling that big.. I don't remember looking in the mirror and thinking "wow. how did I get here?".. I was totally oblivious to my size. What's crazy is that I know I was more confident in my body in high school. I felt fine, I had fun with my friends.. nobody said anything negatively about my appearance. I forgot to mention that I initially lost all of the weight after high school because I got super sick on the birth control I was taking and then when people started to tell me how great I was looking, I stopped eating pretty much all together. And then I got mono, so that added to it. I was pretty little, the littlest I've ever been.. but so sickly and unhealthy in every way. I developed an insecurity about my body at that time and I never felt comfortable in my own skin again. Hopefully I'll get there, but in the healthy way this time.


*update- I forgot to factor in the all important one pound loss today for a grand total of forty nine pounds lost*



  2. How wounderful that you stayed so motivated. You are beautiful. Expect Rory is very proud of you as well. You strke me as a person who sticks to something once you make your mind up to do something.....congratulations for being able to tell your story.

  3. *pat on the back* My daughter is 5 months old and I have not lost any weight other than what I lost when I first had her. It is so hard to get motivated to do it.

    1. It is very hard! You'll get there! I really like the Wii a lot. . It's so convenient and I have no excuses to not do it when it's right here. I woke up this morning wanting to run and I did! Once you get going it somehow gets easier.

  4. I've had a very up and down weight struggle too - I miss those years when I never thought about how I looked. Unfortunately that was pretty young for me. I'm working really hard on the mental piece of it as much as I am working on eating healthy without being too strict. Just making healthy choices - and trying to get back into my previously awesome gym routine (been a slacker lately)

    1. I really recommend the Wii Fit. I got it at game stop.. the board was $20 and the game was $1. I didn't want to exercise today while Logan was napping, but it was sitting right there.. staring at me... so I did it.
      The mental part seems to be the hardest doesn't it? Especially being an emotional eater (like me).. it's hard to always be "on". Good for you though! Hopefully we can encourage each other along the way :)