Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Rising Above

Life Lesson Number 591: Don't engage with negative people

This seems to be a reoccurring topic for me lately.

As some of you may know, Logan's Nursery was featured on Apartment Therapy yesterday. I was so thrilled.. felt so honored.. and felt like my little corner of the internet was playing with the big kids. I felt like I had a "I'm a real blogger" moment. Unfortunately, I was brought down pretty quickly with someones rude comment about Logan's pallet bed. Apparently this pallet bed discussion is a hot topic on AT.. people like to share their opinions on how they are wrong for kids bedrooms.. blah blah. So, let's just start with that the pallet bed was built for my craft room when we still lived in our apartment, before I was pregnant. When we moved here I had considered giving it to my mom, and considered putting it outside for outdoor seating. Once the nursery started coming together, I really liked the idea of having a bed in there. It's been helpful for those nights when Logan doesn't want to sleep and Rory and I are trying to be supportive of each other so one of us is comforting her while the other is half awake sprawled out on the pallet bed. We've also already talked about getting a real mattress for it and using the bed frame instead of the pallets because of the heavy bolts that Logan may be able to reach or because of the wood itself... she may try to squeeze under there one day and get caught on it. Your mind starts picking apart all of your furniture once a baby comes.. it's not just the pallets.
Anyways.. moving on. At first, when I saw the comment, I wanted to rip this guy a new one.. but really, why even bother with someone who makes time to criticize a baby's room? I just left a comment in reply that I thought was passive aggressive enough, but not too entirely engaging. I regretted it afterward because I should not have said anything at all. Like I mentioned, this person set aside time to leave not one.. but two negative comments about the pallet bed.. obviously this person has no life and finds joy in being negative.

I thought about it all night. It really bothered me. I started to think about all of the negativity in my life right now... and there's not much, but there is some (especially when it comes to people other than my husband feeling like they can comment on my parenting). I thought about the "well, I think you're wrong" comment I recently got from a person close to me about wanting to be close to Logan.. I thought about the AT comment over and over.. I thought about the "you need to do this and that for Logan" comments again.. it gave me a not so great nights sleep and some pretty hostile dreams. I woke up in the morning wanting to comment back to that person on AT.. I wanted to call the people and yell at them for the parenting butt-ins.. I wanted to cry about it.. I wanted to scream about it, but then I realized how dumb I was being for making it all anger me so much.

I had already thought that I shouldn't waste time with a negative person on the internet, so why waste time with negative people that are actually in my life on a regular basis? I'm turning  a new leaf people! Or trying to. In my short blogging time, I've seen people receive harsh comments, be threatened, or even worse.. their child's picture used for their own sick needs. It all made me think twice about this blog. I am sharing a lot and putting myself out there.. I should have expected to be criticized, but I didn't. I really didn't think anyone outside of the people I already knew would ever read my blog anyway, but there are people across the world reading and I am thankful. I started this blog as an outlet.. as a way to share with family that doesn't get to see Logan.. as a way to support my family... I shouldn't let negative people ruin it all for not only me, but for the people that actually enjoy stopping by my little corner of the interwebs. So I won't.

I will have to be a grown up and not engage with negativity. I will not publish a negative comment, not reply to a negative one that I don't have control over moderating.. I will not smile when told I am wrong with my parenting choices, I will not respond, I will simply turn the other direction. Perhaps that's the thing I've needed to do all along. I don't need to explain myself or try to make someone understand where I'm coming from.. I simply need to not engage.

Hello, my name is Ali.. I am twenty eight years old.. a wife and a mother.. and I am now just learning to be a grown up.

How do you deal with negativity in your life?

xo
-Ali

8 comments :

  1. For what its worth I just added your blog to my favorites yesterday because I found you on AT and I think you have a wonderful, warm style! Let me know when you nail down being a "grown up", I just turned 28 and I don't feel like a grown up.

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    1. Haha thank you!
      I'm sure I'll never be a grown up.. but hopefully I can inch a little closer.. for Logan's sake.
      Thank you for reading :)

      Delete
  2. Well, ladies, bad news. I'm a 44yo sahm(4 kids)and I still don't feel like a grown up:o)

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    1. There's no hope for us! Hah.
      Thank you for reading :)

      Delete
  3. Hey, there ... I think your baby room is awesome! The whole 70s vibe is great! I have a two young kids (4 & 6 now) and I endured a lot of NEGATIVITY from our next door neighbor when they were babies...apparently I was DOING EVERYTHING WRONG, and had DUBIOUS TASTE and JUDGMENT to boot. Anyway, we finally moved away and I have to say --- FREE AT LAST! -- I am much happier lady and far less anxious about the kids. FWIW, just be glad it's some random dude in cyberspace and nobody you see everyday.

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  4. Hey, there ... I think your baby room is awesome! The whole 70s vibe is great! I have a two young kids (4 & 6 now) and I endured a lot of NEGATIVITY from our next door neighbor when they were babies...apparently I was DOING EVERYTHING WRONG, and had DUBIOUS TASTE and JUDGMENT to boot. Anyway, we finally moved away and I have to say --- FREE AT LAST! -- I am much happier lady and far less anxious about the kids. FWIW, just be glad it's some random dude in cyberspace and nobody you see everyday.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you!
      It's too bad that there's always got to be someone knocking what you're doing.
      Thanks for reading :)

      Delete
  5. awesome post! go ali for being brave, and strong. i don't know if some people truly understand how vulnerable it can feel to have yourself out there for the world to see & interpret it however they want. y sweet photos & lovely decorating too!

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