Friday, August 30, 2013

Setting Aside Fears

You know you love your child more than life itself when you have social anxiety, are terrified of meeting new people, think clowns are the devil and you sign them up for Gymboree anyway!

I got a coupon to preview a class and I had put off going for about a month or so because I was scared of going. I have purple hair and tattoos.. what moms in my neighborhood are going to want to talk to me? Once Logan started crawling, I really had to set aside my own fears of "getting out there". She needs to be somewhere other than her playroom.. she needs room to move.. she needs to see other kids.. and I need to suck it up.

You guys, she had sooo much fun!

I put her on the floor and there was not a moment of hesitation from her. Off she went! She was climbing and crawling and screaming with total excitement. My girl was having the time of her life, discovering new things; and that made me happy.

Some moms were dressed conservatively, some moms were in gym clothes, and some moms had full sleeves of tattoos and one mom even had pink hair! I breathed a big sigh of relief when I saw the mom with the pink hair and even told her so... she said the same thing to me. Even though some moms didn't look like me, they were all welcoming and sweet. What was I so scared of?

It got me thinking about how I have a tendency to exclude myself from things because of the fear that I will be judged on my appearance. When Rory and I were newly dating, his family was having their yearly Christmas party and I refused to go. I had fire engine red hair, tattoos, piercings.. I was so afraid of what people would think of his new girlfriend that I made an issue out of it and stayed at home. Ridiculous right? I notice myself not participating in things because I'm afraid of stares and negative comments. I don't like going to a gym where I'll be surrounded by people.. when I go walking, I try to stay off of the main streets because I am constantly worried about what people driving by are thinking of me. I bet no one is thinking anything of me. Maybe some people might think my hair is outrageous or my tattoos are unattractive, but why should I care? I shouldn't be preoccupied with the thoughts of others.. I really just need to not live my life in fear of peoples' rejection.

Who knows how I'll get there, but I believe I've taken the first step in participating for Logan's sake. If someone doesn't like me because of how I look, then ok; I don't want judgemental people in my life anyway.. right?


*these photos are from when we went to "open gym" as a family.*

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Celebrating Two Years

Two years ago, I married my best friend. So in honor of our anniversary, please enjoy some of my favorite shots from the day..


all photos by Ressull Salvi Photography

I am so grateful to be your wife and I love you more every day. Here's to two years down, a baby girl, and many more adventures to come.
I love you to the moon!


Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Raising a Confident Girl

I can remember knowing that I wasn't as pretty as my best friends. I can remember the transition into really hating my body. I can remember the comments about my weight, about my flat chest, and about being fair skinned. Let's get real.. people are mean! No matter if it's a classmate, a family member, a stranger.. negative comments about your appearance sting and they stay with you for life.

I mentioned in my weight loss journey post that I didn't really start to realize I had been overweight until I was being told how great I was looking by family and friends. I know it came from a positive place, but unfortunately that's when I started to be overly insecure about my body. I've lost fifty two pounds since Logan was born and if people I haven't seen in a while don't comment about it.. I automatically think that I must not have changed much and feel negatively about my weight loss. It's a vicious thing.

Some people comment on Logan's "juicy" thighs because they think she's adorable. But then there's that person that comments on it in a condescending manner and it's not okay. Logan is perfectly healthy and right where she is supposed to be. I know we will do our best to make healthy eating and  healthy lifestyle choices; I will do my best to keep her healthy. I don't think she will be overweight, but I am afraid of the comments (about anything) I can't control. Unfortunately you can't go postal on people you see often or even strangers. You know, possible arrest and awkwardness at family dinners.

I want Logan to be confident in herself. I want her to feel like the pretty girl. I want her to make good choices and to be active. I want her to stand up to anyone that speaks negatively to her. How do you instill body confidence in your child when you don't have any for yourself?

I don't want her to be dependent on other peoples' opinions like I am. I have to clear my head of everything I was told, everything I was not told and start fresh for her. Raising a confident girl is going to be hard, but I am going to do my absolute best. She deserves it.

Any advice?


Monday, August 26, 2013

Is it Fall Yet?

A few weeks ago I was so happy to be chilly. It was nice enough to not have to turn the air on all day.. cold enough to cuddle up with a blanket on the couch.. it was beginning to look like Fall and I couldn't have been more excited; then it warmed up. What's the deal weather? Why must you trick me?

It's been pretty warm here the last few days.. nothing miserable, but warm enough to make me long for Fall that much more. I have always been a lover of that time of year; pumpkins, leaves changing, sweaters, fires in the fireplace.. all leading into the holidays. Last year I was a huge pregopotamus and didn't quite enjoy the season I adore so much. With Logan being born at the end of November, I felt like a stuffed turkey at Thanksgiving and was even a postpartum grinch at Christmas. This year I intend to make up for last.

I am so looking forward to Logan's first Halloween, her first Thanksgiving, her first birthday, and the first Christmas that she will be able to actively be a part of. This year I feel like my love for Fall will only grow and change through her eyes.
I am excited to see her reaction to the pumpkins, the costumes, the lights, the tree, and of course.. the wrapping paper! This time of year is forever going to be different and I know I will only love it more because of her.


Friday, August 23, 2013

Oh, Alison

Happy Friday everyone! This week went by quickly, didn't it? August has been so busy and I can't believe it's already coming to an end. This weekend, I will officially have a nine month old and Wednesday is our two year wedding anniversary. Forget about this month going by quickly.. where did the last two years go?

There is a silly thing going around on instagram where people are sharing little factoids about themselves and after seeing it on
Amanda's blog, I thought it'd be fun to do it here!

1. I wish I could bottle the smell of Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland.. I would wear it as perfume every day.

2. I didn't eat a lot of foods up until recently. I had never had a blueberry, pears, peaches, sweet potato, green beans... lots of fruits and veggies. Man I was missing out! Thanks Rory for making me eat things.

3. I could watch every episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" a million times and never get sick of it. We haven't had cable in a year so I love that it is available on Amazon Prime and Hulu.. I can watch it whenever I like and that makes me happy.

4. I have silly looking hair and lots of tattoos that might make me look tough and intimidating, but I am the biggest weenie. I am super sensitive, I hate confrontation, and I cry at "beef is what's for dinner" commercials.

5. I use my fingers to do addition and cannot multiply unless I write it out.

6. I have a deep love for 1970's housewares, decor, and furnishings. I think this is because of my grandfather's house in San Clemente that was a time capsule of the era.

7. I am prone to heat stroke and got second degree burns my junior year of high school because I went to the beach for a few hours.

8. All things Disney have a special place in my heart. I smile from ear to ear when at Disneyland and when watching old Mickey cartoons. I listen to classic Disney songs on my iPod almost daily and even have the Haunted Mansion rides (America and Paris) soundtracks. Oh, and "Grim Grinning Ghosts" is my ring tone. Obsessed? Maybe.

9. I work out harder and longer with the Wii Fit than I ever have in a gym or boot camp setting. Probably has something to do with the social anxiety thing that plagues me.

10. Most of my tattoos are my pictorial interpretation of Bible verses.

11. Once, I jumped out of a plane.

12. I used to have twelve piercings and now I am down to only two.

13. I used to hate my name.. I still feel like it doesn't fit me. For some reason my dad chose to spell it "Alison" instead of "Allison" like every other Allison on the planet. So when I type "Ali" or give my name at restaurants and spell it out "A-L-I" for them, people tend to call me Ali.. as in Mohammed Ali.. Middle Eastern Ali. I tried spelling my name "Allie" for a while in elementary school, but it got confusing and I don't think my teachers were going for it.

14. I have two cats that are total dork wads. Spicoli Groucho and Conan Cheeto. Doesn't everyone give their cats middle names?

15. I have a scar that looks like a happy face on my left inner ankle. I got it while trying to step over my mom's legs and ended up catching her wine glass that was sitting on the coffee table. The glass stuck in my foot gave me a permanent smile on my body.

If you want to share some randoms about yourself, I'd love to see! Just leave them in the comments.

Thank you to sweet miss Amanda for posting her "random facts" and for inspiring me to play along!