Monday, August 5, 2013

Weekend Bits and Calming the BLEEP Down

One of our favorite things to do is drive around town (and surrounding areas) to go exploring. On the weekends, we usually allow Logan to stray from her schedule so she'll fall asleep in the car on the way to somewhere and we'll just end up driving around in the canyon roads nearby. This weekend we drove through Grimes Canyon and went to some really amazing antique stores. They are all definitely my new favorites to go to. I got the plant stand of my dreams and some really amazing dinnerware.. both for about twenty dollars.. score!
This weekend also marked Logan's first fall with a bloody outcome. She was pushing her farm house and walking along with it. While I was thinking "yay! look at my girl go!" she fell over and hit her upper lip on the corner of the roof. She bled all over her face.. her shirt.. all over me.. and somehow it ended up on both of our arms and legs?? I was pretty prepared to have a full blown anxiety attack, but held it together so I could help her ::pat on the back:: After her lip stopped bleeding, we went about our day and I felt so overwhelmed. I am guessing that suppressing the anxiety attack I wanted to have made me feel like I got run over by a bus the rest of the day. It made me think about how I handle things like that.. I don't handle them well. Logan's only really had two "scare the bajeezus out of mommy moments". One I mentioned a bit here. Well, what happened was Logan didn't eat as much as she usually does before she fell asleep so I was anxiously awaiting for her to wake up at some point to eat again. She woke up at about ten thirty.. I gave her a bottle.. went to burp her.. and that's when the shit storm began. I am assuming that she spit up on my shoulder and breathed it in through her nose. I heard and felt her little body freaking out.. she wasn't able to breath. I looked at her and the way her face looked so scared still terrifies me (I have tears in my eyes just having to remember it right now). All I could do was scream for help and put her in the infant CPR hold and start smacking away on her back. She recovered quickly.. I on the other hand did not. I was hyperventilating and hysterical. It scared me so much that not a day goes by where I don't think about it. 

I know that there will be many more moments in Logan's life that make me panic and I am definitely not looking forward to them. I read this the other day about CTFD Method.. so funny, but so true. When I was working as a Preschool teacher and a nanny, I always rolled my eyes at the parents who were flipping out because their kid fell. Wow Ali.. way to be a hypocrite! I guess you really don't understand what it's like to feel so much love for another little person until you're a parent. You want to protect them from everything. I am not so neurotic that I am running to every fall, but the ones she cries after I am a runnin'! The one thing that I have still not calmed the f*ck down about though is the "having your baby look clean and presentable at all times". Even with the babies I nannied.. the second some food or dirt got on their clothes, it was changing time!  I love for kids to be able to make messes.. paint your body? sure! dig a hole and play in it? sure! help make play dough or slime? awesome! Just change your clothes afterward.
When we went out the other day after Logan's fall, she had blood stains on her shirt. They weren't too visible, but I couldn't stop staring at them. When the next kid comes along I will have to calm the f*ck down.

Hopefully this week we will not encounter any more scares with this girl. She is on the verge of crawling.. likes to be upright and walking (with someone's hands or her activity walker).. or rolling all around. This morning I had her in her play area while I was doing dishes and somehow she ended up in the dining room! Those moments where I can leave her close by to do something are slipping away; I almost have a fully mobile child.

What were you up to this weekend?

xo
-Ali

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