Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Time for Me

One of my New Years goals was to keep active. I have been doing pretty well with it so far; I am still going on a mile and a half walk with Logan on weekday mornings.. the days we can't get out I exercise with Wii Fit for thirty minutes, but I have been feeling like I am not doing enough and not seeing weight loss quick enough. I know a lot of it has to do with my not so paleo food choices lately, but I also started thinking I could improve my exercise routine. It may not seem like something that needs much pondering, but being a full time mom and wife, it does. You might think "She's crazy! She's at home all day.. how does she not have more time for exercise?" Well, unless you're a stay at home mom of a toddler, then you probably won't understand. Our day is very full and when I do have time during Logan's nap (which can be nonexistent on some days), I need to do laundry or dishes or hey, even eat for the first time that day. It's not easy to find time for yourself as a mother and I realized that I have to push myself to make time.

I had the thought to continue my morning exercise routine with Logan and then when Rory got home, he could feed her dinner alone and that time could be "mama time". I took my first "me time" the other day and for the first time since motherhood, I was completely alone. I've had three hair appointments since Logan was born, so I guess you could count that as "me time", but I had someone there to talk to and I basically talked about Logan the entire time. When I went on that first walk, I didn't listen to any music, I didn't have anyone to talk to about what Logan is up to lately.. I just had myself. It was a strange feeling to be alone. I thought about what Logan and Rory were doing, I wondered if she was crying and if they were getting on okay without me. I felt guilt for leaving Rory alone with her after he had been at work all day long. I felt like I should have turned around and gone back several times, but I forced myself to keep going.

I got to the top of my hike behind our house and I allowed myself a moment; a moment to be proud of myself for taking time for myself, a moment to reflect on God's gorgeous Earth, a moment to be glad I hiked to the top of the mountain without taking a break and huffing and puffing, a moment to know that Rory is an incredible father and to not worry. Walking down the trail felt much better than going up; not because of the physical strain but because I felt a relief and a sense of accomplishment. I accomplished my goal of adding more exercise to my day, I accomplished a "me moment".. something that comes with great guilt as a mother.

I really want to continue this new little routine of mine. I may not do it every weekday, but if I can make time for myself and additional exercise two or three days a week, I feel like that's a big deal. It's enough time for me to feel like a person and not just a mom and a wife that needs to do this task and get this and that done. I feel like I am bettering myself for my own happiness, for the benefit of my family and also future pregnancies. That is something at the forefront of my mind right now; I want to feel good enough about my body to be pregnant again and to be in a good exercise routine so that I may have a healthy and fit pregnancy next time around.. whenever that may be.

What about you? Are you a mom that feels guilty about having a little "me time"? Where do you fit it in, if at all?

xo
-Ali

2 comments :

  1. I can so totally relate to this. I have 3 children, a teenage daughter, a 3 year old boy and a 1 year old girl. Any time that I take away from them or my husband I feel terribly guilty about. You should be proud. Us mom's DO deserve me time and we need to realize it and embrace it. This post was very inspirational to me, thank you!

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    1. I can't imagine how guilty you feel with three! I feel like as mothers.. as human beings.. we need a little break at times just to regather our sanity and be ready for all that we are responsible for. Last night I didn't go out on a walk (we had a long day of being in the ER), so when Logan went to bed I just layed in mine for about ten minutes to collect myself and then I went downstairs to spend time with my husband. Those few minutes helped me to not be so on edge from the stressful morning.
      xo
      Ali

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